It has been so hard to sit and write anything... my brain is full of feathers and fuzz... things that tangle into other things and sound a lot like worry, or fretting... but really it is nothing, just worlds colliding and the holidays coming in the door.
I honestly have taken a couple pictures but so far none of them have been downloaded onto the computer...and I have been making things, but they are all Christmas gifts, so I'm keeping them under wraps... plus, since they are mostly outside what I normally do, they are not note worthy other than to say to one person or another, I love you... I've baked some bread... still not the hard crusted french bread I had a recipe for long before my kids were born... it was the BEST bread... so if you know of a really exceptional, and a bit salty(Ithink this was the secret) French bread, I'd love it if you shared... I have made my rum and brandy balls and put up the tree, hung the wreath on the door, played the Christmas music set I've downloaded into my iPod
I'm teaching a Sunday School class... it's a discussion class and I am the facilitator but not the authority. Today we talked about preparation and then read a story, For Being Good, by
Cynthia Rylant, about a boy and his grandfather. This week of trees and wreaths and gifts and music have made me think of Christmas hopes and Christmas pasts and they all stir about making me happy and hopeful and sad all at once... so talking about preparation was what I needed at the time. And the class has helped settle me and returned my attention to the moment, where we all should reside.
The coming week is already filling and before I know it this whole season will pass, so it is my task to watch the path I am walking, to be attentive to the mood and music... and to be happy and to allow the future to unfold without expectation.
I like the whole cosmic idea of negative space... that stuff that lies behind... the darkness, the holy ground where all growth begins. We are in the dark part of the year, just turned the corner, but it will take weeks before the sun seems to catch up with the reality that the winter will be vanquished... but winter has it's place, as does darkness... and so I tried to concentrate at first just on what lay behind, I tried to ignore the stuff on the surface. I tried to put the uncertainties, the decisions I think I need to make now, the to-do list aside and spend a little time not trying to take care of things that will take care of themselves.
I played a little with the positive, and put this floating head in, but mostly I added color and shine, adding depth to what was behind.
I heard the words, come out, come out, wherever you are, playing in my head and put them running up a couple of the stems. I added thorns and texture to the bramble and painted in the head a bit more, then muted her with a blue wash.
And last I hid her behind tissue paper leaves... she isn't ready to come out just yet. She needs the dark and values the solitude... anyway, it's cold out there, and she doesn't have any answers yet.
